“Many men who harass women say their intent is to compliment them, but why do they usually not “compliment” women who are accompanied by other men and often only do it when a woman is alone? Why do they tend to object to other men “complimenting” their female significant other (if applicable), female friends, or female family members? Why do some men grow hostile and violent when women do not thank them and act flattered? Why do they feel compelled to compliment women at all? Rarely are they expecting a date. Many times they do not even wait to see a woman’s reaction as they fly by in their car or as they turn to start harassing the next woman. They are doing it to exert their power, to entertain their friends, to relieve boredom, or do demonstrate that they can evaluate a complete stranger to her face, just because she is a woman.”—
The thing that so many men need to understand is that women do not consider it a compliment when they are being harassed on the street. Women usually feel either embarrassed or terrified or a combination of the two. So stop fucking doing it.
it’s so telling that men tend to do this when they’re in a group of other men. and i’ve never had it happen when i’m hanging out with dudes, especially not when i’m with my ginormous dad (most men don’t give a fuck about harassing me if i’m with my mom who is as small as i am). so if it isn’t sexual, or threatening, and you just want to ~make me smile~ then why can you only do it when i’m perceived as vulnerable?
I would add that it rarely happens or when I am around men who know that I am dating someone at that time. Many men (certainly not all) are willing to lay off if they perceive that you are “owned” - otherwise, you’re public property, and they’re free to treat you however they like. Any competition that erupts is less to flatter the woman than to establish temporary rights to her, even if they must degrade her to do so.
that or the nature of the so-called compliments will change if youre w a man. they will go from a respectful “you look beautiful this evening” when youre w a dude to some vulgar shit about your pussy, if youre alone. because youre not worthy of respect as just a woman.
“And if a woman should say she doesn’t want to have children at all, the world is apt to go decidedly peculiar: ‘Ooooh, don’t speak too soon,’ it will say - as if knowing whether or not you’re the kind of person who desires to make a whole other human being in your guts, out of sex and food, then have the rest of your life revolve around its welfare, is a breezy, ‘Hey - whevs’ decision. Like electing to have a picnic on an unexpectedly sunny day or changing the background picture on your desktop. ‘When you meet the right man, you’ll change your mind, dear,’ the world will say, with an odd, aggressive smugness.”—Caitlin Moran, “How to Be a Woman” (via amatsuki)
“Women are socialized to make men feel good. We’re socialized to “let you down easy.” We’re not socialized to say a clear and direct “no.” We’re socialized to speak in hints and boost egos and let people save face. People who don’t respect the social contract (rapists, predators, assholes, pickup artists) are good at taking advantage of this. “No” is something we have to learn. “No” is something we have to earn. In fact, I’d argue that the ability to just say “no” to something, without further comment, apology, explanation, guilt, or thinking about it is one of the great rites of passage in growing up, and when you start saying it and saying it regularly the world often pushes back. And calls you names.”—
YEAH WE NEED MORE MEN MOVIES LIKE MAYBE A BUDDY COMEDY ABOUT A COWBOY AND AN ASTRONAUT OR MAYBE A MOVIE ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN A FATHER FISH AND HIS SON OR ANOTHER BUDDY COMEDY ABOUT TWO MONSTERS OR ANOTHER MOVIE ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP OF A FATHER FIGURE AND A YOUNG BOY
YOU’RE RIGHT, RICHARD, PIXAR DOESN’T REPRESENT NEARLY ENOUGH MALE RELATIONSHIPS
Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art— Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night And watching, with eternal lids apart, Like nature’s patient, sleepless Eremite, The moving waters at their priestlike task Of pure ablution round earth’s human shores, Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask Of snow upon the mountains and the moors— No—yet still stedfast, still unchangeable, Pillow’d upon my fair love’s ripening breast, To feel for ever its soft fall and swell, Awake for ever in a sweet unrest, Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath, And so live ever—or else swoon to death.