I may or may not have just used a tape measure to turn up the volume on my tv because my remote was all the way over on the other side of my bed.
crows and beef
Reblog with how you answer the telephone.
I say, “Sup G.”
“No she’s dead, this is her son”
“Yes, ma’am?”
“Howdy.”
“Go ahead, caller. You’re on the air.”
(Source: cute-sexual)
Hi, I am every single guy from Mel’s past and I’ve decided to call or text her in the past two hours.
MY DAD’S BACK FROM JAMAICA
BRB HEADING TO THE PARENTALS’ ABODE TO TACKLE HIM BEAR HUG STYLE
I desperately need to go grocery shopping since the only edible things in my house are low-fat yogurt and taco shells, but then I’d have to actually put on some pants and drive all the way to the store and then bring my groceries all the way back home and then put everything away.
LAZY ASSHOLE, PARTY OF THIS LADY.
Are Bestie and I going to waste the day away by taking pointless personality tests that mainly cater to 12-14 year-old girls?
Yes. Yes, we are.
GUESS WHO GOT PROMOTED.
LIKE A BOSS.
Charles and I are going to lay on my giant bed and listen to Beirut and laugh at each other and maybe make out a little.
Night, guys.
Submitted by milasweetlipskunis.
I do this because
- It is always true.
- I delight in taking on the part of the pretentious asshole in any select group of people.
- IRL TROLLING IS A DAMN GOOD TIME.
COMO UN JEFE
Day off tomorrow?
I am 97% sure that after work I will head home, immediately remove my pants, pour myself a truly impressive glass of wine and do some serious laundry.
Unless I decide to drink two glasses of wine and not do any laundry
or just skip them both and get hammered tossing back gin and tonics at the local dive bar what can I say I’m classy you guys
BEING PRODUCTIVE CAN EAT ME AND LIKE IT.
I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT BOVVERED.
That awkward moment when your co-worker forces you to look at her ultrasound pictures again.
If I like a guy I should probably not put “Do I Look Like A Slut” on a mix cd I’m making him, right?
